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A week or so after Lizard passed, one of my friends told me I would find him when I began doing again the things we loved. Another friend told me to watch for signs that he might be near.
I will be candid. I have not heard or seen Lizard or felt him near. I wish I could, but I also realize my task might be to walk by faith. And I'm doing the best I can. Yet, I have looked, listened and paused quite frequently in search of any kind of sign he might be near. I'm kind of to the point that I don't actively search for him anymore because it's too disappointing. I now try to be grateful for the time we had, strengthen my faith and live worthily that I can be with both him and my Savior again one day.
I saw lizards in Lizard's mother's backyard on Mother's Day. That was an annual thing for the last five years, I think. We began making Mother's Day trips over there as soon as it was safe to travel again after we were all vaccinated. The trauma was still so fresh this Mother's Day, seeing the tiny little lizards doing their pushups made both Lizard's mom and me cry. The little lizards are not unusual for her. She sees lizards about nine or ten months out of the year.
I first got back on my bike about six weeks after Lizard passed. It took that long. And I didn't really want to ride then. But I had no choice, unless I Ubered, which I didn't want to do. I was dropping off my car for routine maintenance, and I didn't want an Uber charge on top of whatever the car was going to cost. So, I rode my bike home from the shop. In the rain. I cried almost the entire way. I told everyone who asked that the sky cried with me the whole way.
I'm really thankful now that I took that first ride. It enabled me to get back on my bike. I'm typically riding twice a week now. I've been up Waterton several times. I've seen some great wildlife. But no lizards. Which is not typical. (And no bears, which is just my extreme wishful thinking...)
Until last week. My sister-in-law has been riding with me at least every other week, just to get me back on my bike, but she wasn't able to ride that day. So, I went alone. We had planned to do a different trail than either of us had ever done, but because I was going to be on my own, I decided to ride up Waterton.
I saw nothing on the way up, which isn't that unusual. On the way down, I passed a baby snake in the middle of the road. I circled around for a photo, then used my front bike tire to encourage it to get out of the middle of the road so it would not become a pancake under someone else's wheels.
Suddenly, a very large lizard charged right at both me and the snake!!! The lizard was a little bigger than the snake. I thought I was in for a showdown! I was so shocked, I didn't even think to get the camera ready.
I didn't know who was going to eat who! They were staring at each other, and the lizard kept looking at me, then looking at the snake. Finally, after just a few seconds, the lizard scampered off behind me.
I looked it up when I got home. Snakes will occasionally eat lizards, and lizards will sometimes eat small snakes. That was just fascinating to me. It still is, really. I've never seen anything like that before, and I feel what I witnessed was better than a documentary, even though nothing happened. Just to see two completely different species face off like that!
After I got the baby snake safely across the road (after one cyclist who didn't see it nearly did run over it caused it to jump about two feet in the air... I'd never seen anything like that before, either), I asked Lizard out loud if this means he was there with me. I felt kind of bubbly inside.
All the rest of the way down the canyon, I kept wondering if the lizard was a sign.
At the bottom of the canyon, another large lizard ran across the road right in front of me. I wondered aloud again if this was a sign. Was my Lizard with me? Did he know I was thinking of him?
Then, out of nowhere, five planes flew overhead in formation. Like they were practicing for an air show. On a Tuesday! There were no air shows I knew of. (I did learn Colorado's 150th birthday was last Saturday, so perhaps they were practicing for that.) Lizard would have been overjoyed!!!
I asked God without praying. I think I said something like, "That has to be a sign. Lizard would have loved to see that. He HAS to be near."
I was still happy inside, so I'm going to believe Lizard either knew what I was doing or knew I was thinking of him. He knows I'm trying hard, and he knows I'm trying to be more faithful, and that makes me feel so good.
This week I realized I waited 45 years to find my Lizard. I can't wait to see him again, but I know from experience, I can wait. He was worth every minute of waiting 21 years ago, and he's worth waiting for now.
