365

Nope. Not me.

I've seen some great ones. I've enjoyed visiting many who undertake the project. Many friends and bloggers have done it and actually completed a year or more "Picture-a-Day" themes. Some of them have done such an outstanding job, all I can do is stand back in awe, eyes popped out of my head, and drool.

But nope. Not me. I will not do a 365. Period.

I spent 14 years in the field of journalism. I spent many of those years being THE photographer or THE pre-pressman (actually, pre-presswoman, I suppose). I also spent a couple of years being an underling, vying for front page space on a daily basis. It was a HUGE feather in the cap of all editorial staff members to make the front page any day of the week. (Not just photos, either. Making the lead story was a gigantic continual goal.)

The first time I went out as a newbie, a seasoned and experienced pro saddled with the responsibility of training me, both of us assigned to shoot the very same assignment, an unvoiced competition emerged between us. I instinctively knew only one photo would actually see ink, as they said in those days, even though I'd never worked for a newspaper before. I remember the feeling when I saw the paper rolling off the press the next day with my photo four columns wide on the front page. I'll never forget that feeling. It may well be the highest I've ever soared, other than when I married The Lizard.

I was asked to train my replacement when I left that newspaper. My replacement had many more years under his belt than me, but he had never been a photographer for a newspaper. He was pretty green, another term they used way back then, and it didn't mean environmentally conscious or alien from another planet. He didn't know the first thing about processing film in chemicals, much less getting that film onto reels in the dark without kinking. He had no clue how to bounce a flash. And he didn't know why red came out as black in a black and white photo. (No one ran color way back then. We're talkin' days of the dinosaurs. Yes, I'm that old.)

I remember getting into the same mental competition with him as my very first front page shot. We were covering the same event, and I was his mentor. It would have been the right thing to do to let him win. Slack off and let him have the front page. I'd had my share by then. I wasn't going out on a sour note. We frequently received letters to the editor begging for more wildlife pictures. Everyone knew me. It wouldn't hurt me one bit to let him have that moment of glory.

But what I lack on the bicycle, I definitely more than made up for behind a camera. I shot to kill, and I won, and I continued to win for the remainder of my two weeks as I trained him, and not one ounce of guilt crossed my platter. I wanted to go out with a bang. And I wanted to show my publisher what I thought of training a totally inexperienced replacement who was making, in his first two weeks, nearly double what I was making after eight years, because he was a family man and I was... childless. To heck with doing what was right. Back then, I just wanted to prove that I was worth what they were paying him.

If I had to relive that same experience today, the outcome would have been different. My attitude would have been different. I would be different. Front pages don't matter as much any more to me. My name in lights isn't the thrill it once was. And quite frankly, I can post any picture I want anytime I want because I'm my own boss and my own editor now. If no one likes it, no big deal. What matters is that I like it.

My, how I've changed.

And that's why you'll find no 365 here. I've done my time. I served my sentence. I even won my own self-imposed competitions.

There are enough deadlines, projects, goals and unreasonable requests in my life to keep my imagination and endurance active and churning. If my life had been different, if I hadn't spent 14 years trying to be "the front page," maybe a daily photo would be more of a challenge for me. Maybe I would be curious if I could pull it off. Maybe I would be just a bit more competitive.

Sometimes, when I'm shooting, for my own personal use, a big event that attracts hundreds of other aspiring photographers and wannabes, I still catch myself trying to outshoot. I still go into "front page" mode. I watch to see what angle everyone else is getting. I study their lenses. I try to make my shot different. I try to make my shot better.

But there's not a drop of competitive blood still flowing in my veins. Not a single molecule. Plenty of photo chemicals and newspaper ink still circulate through my core, but there's no ambition. None whatsoever. ;)

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